Can you hear me?

It has been more than a month since the dreadful day. The day i lost you forever. I was just getting to know you. Feel you not only in my womb but also my heart. And then without a trace, you were gone. Why? I still search for you in the void that you left behind. I have an image of you in my mind. One filled with warmth, joy, happiness and laughter. Your smile lights up my moment, even if it is my silly imagination. With every passing moment, i build you in my dreams. Stronger than ever. Your smile gives me hope to go on. And some day, i hope you will find me back too!

Home away from home..

A thick canopy of dense trees shrouds the path as i journey along. The long stretch of roads wind, unwind and unravel before me, immaculate in their placing and creation. A few high rises play peek a boo amidst the canopy, as if defying their need to touch the sky and to remain rooted to the ground at the same time. The thick grey of winter has been replaced by the abundant sunlight as if washing away the fogs of yesterday with the warmth of today and an oncoming tomorrow. Everywhere i look around, summer makes its presence known and felt. The metamorphosis of winter into spring and finally into summer has been a spectacle indeed, a breathtaking transformation of grey and silver into a plethora of colors, of the vast emptiness into unimaginable abundance. Amidst the simmering heat, the glistening topiaries of green spread across miles, the breathtaking rainbow of flowers, my heart seems to search for a sense of familiarity. In a land so far away, it seems to have found a home away from home.

An elusive paradise..

You looked into my eyes and i saw my world in you. A world i have always longed to be in. But then i looked away. For you see, i cannot leave this world too.

I asked you what love is. You said it is what you feel for me. And then i fell into an even deeper abyss. For you see, i am yet to learn to fly, on the wings of love.

You took me in your arms and for a moment, i forgot my existence. I forgot who i was. It almost felt like a dream, almost... But then i stepped away from your embrace. For you see, i am yet to believe in dreams.

You kissed me on my lips and i quivered within my soul, a war raging within me. But then i turned away. For you see, i am yet to decide which side i am fighting for and against, in the battle within me.

And every time i looked away, i broke within, into pieces i haven't picked up yet. Torn between what is and what could have been. Torn between a moment and an eternity. Torn between the real and the unreal. Torn between the warmth of your breath and the icy coldness of the distance. Torn between you and me.

A whole new universe within this moment, a dream within a dream. And yet, it felt so real. How could that possibly be?

The shadow

Inside of me is a picture of you,

at the moment, it is but a shadow...

calling out to me,

from the depths of beyond,

is that your voice,

or the sound of my sorrow?

the traces, the paths, the boulevards crossed,

the journeys from here to the yonder...

like a memory that fades,

or a hurt that abates,

is that your footstep,

or a trail for me to follow?

laughter's and tears, praises and sneers,

the melodies of hearts strung together....

like the music that thrills,

or the vengeance that kills,

is that your spell,

or the illusion of tomorrow?

it is, but a matter of time,

when the good omens chime,

then the shadow shall pass,

and the picture shall last,

of our love and our heartfelt desire...

Mindless banter...

The void within me deepens day by day. Somedays i feel as if i have too much pent up inside of me and somedays i feel an eerie emptiness within. And the feeling never seems to go away. I wonder why!

Welcome 2012

The last sunset of this year draws near. The setting sun will usher in a new sunrise, a new beginning. Its time to bury the bad dreams, the hurt, the bitter experiences, to give way to new beginnings. Time to look back at the sweet memories of the year and carve out a special space in our hearts for them. Time to let go of strained relationships hanging by the last thread. desperate to break free. Time to forge new friendships, nurture the ones that mean the most to us.Time for new resolutions inspite of the known fact that those wont hold on for long. Time to ring out the old and ring in the new..

A very happy new year to everyone..

And the list continues...

My wish list to the universe....a work in progress

• Travel to Greece
• A library with dark ebony wooden shelves carved to perfection and overflowing with books
  
• A rocking chair
• Bungee Jumping
• Para Gliding
• Ice skating
• Learn the art of Ice Sculpting
  
• A small cottage overlooking the sea
• A room painted pale lemon yellow
• A windowsill with potted pink flowers
• A hammock
• A pet Labrador
  
• A silver anklet
• Earrings studded with blood red stones
• A pearl white gown
• A straw hat studded with flowers
• A pair of Stilettos
  
• A visit to Sheffield
  

Welcome back! - to me

I have decided to resurrect this blog after a long period of a deathly silence. A silence so chaotic that i could almost hear it screaming. If it were to speak, it would probably be akin to experiencing a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, well worthy of a narration in itself. But i do not intend to spill out the experience here in prose. I would most likely fall short of words in my attempt to do so. I'd rather restart on a much lighter and well trusted note. I hope that i would have the strength to hold onto and transform a few certain thoughts from the far recesses of my mind into something beautiful.

the perfect valentine....

"How do i look?" she asked all of a sudden, with an air of a princess, showing off her new pink dress, laced with pretty flowers, matched up with pink shoes and a pink hair band. "Its looking good" he said. And then she waited expectantly for something more to be said. He pretended as if he didnt care. And just as she was about to turn back and leave heart broken, he looked at her and said "You know what, you are beautiful". And with an air of a grown up, added, "Tooty Fruity beautiful. Thats how beautiful you look". And the twinkle in her eyes returned and a big grin found a way back into her face.

Although she never knew what it meant to be "tooty fruity beautiful", she waited for him to say this every single time and he never disappointed her.

All these years, she had never stopped asking the question. And the answers always amazed her and nevetheless brought a smile on to her face.

Now with a notable number of decades down the road, with the embers of youth long dead, her frail body struggling against the will to survive, lay, awaiting the last breath. The moment when life would deceive her and send her into an unknown world beyond what she ever knew. He staggered to reach out to her, every step made equally painful by the passing years. When their eyes met, the gleam in his, flowed into hers, warming her heart and filling her mind with the beauty of a sunshine.

As her lips parted to utter the words held in her heart, he bent down and kissed her forehead as if the words had already reached him. Gazing into her eyes, the lighthouse of his existence, he uttered what her heart yearned to hear. "You look beautiful. Tooty fruity beautiful, as always".

Good-bye's

I still remember the moment when you walked away. Long before the hazy mist in my eyes could clear. Long before the song in my heart could strike a chord in you. Long before i could step out of your dreams to find a safe haven in my own. Long before i could gather the pieces of my heart, every single one of them drenched in the blood of your love, while you called forth the rains, to wash them off, of any trace of it.

Some goodbye's are just disguised new beginnings. Some goodbye's tear you apart, body and soul, into a million little pieces, a trace of remembrance etched so deeply into every single one of them, that try as hard as you may, the scars refuse to go away. But some goodbye's haunt you forever....