Welcome 2012

The last sunset of this year draws near. The setting sun will usher in a new sunrise, a new beginning. Its time to bury the bad dreams, the hurt, the bitter experiences, to give way to new beginnings. Time to look back at the sweet memories of the year and carve out a special space in our hearts for them. Time to let go of strained relationships hanging by the last thread. desperate to break free. Time to forge new friendships, nurture the ones that mean the most to us.Time for new resolutions inspite of the known fact that those wont hold on for long. Time to ring out the old and ring in the new..

A very happy new year to everyone..

And the list continues...

My wish list to the universe....a work in progress

• Travel to Greece
• A library with dark ebony wooden shelves carved to perfection and overflowing with books
  
• A rocking chair
• Bungee Jumping
• Para Gliding
• Ice skating
• Learn the art of Ice Sculpting
  
• A small cottage overlooking the sea
• A room painted pale lemon yellow
• A windowsill with potted pink flowers
• A hammock
• A pet Labrador
  
• A silver anklet
• Earrings studded with blood red stones
• A pearl white gown
• A straw hat studded with flowers
• A pair of Stilettos
  
• A visit to Sheffield
  

Welcome back! - to me

I have decided to resurrect this blog after a long period of a deathly silence. A silence so chaotic that i could almost hear it screaming. If it were to speak, it would probably be akin to experiencing a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, well worthy of a narration in itself. But i do not intend to spill out the experience here in prose. I would most likely fall short of words in my attempt to do so. I'd rather restart on a much lighter and well trusted note. I hope that i would have the strength to hold onto and transform a few certain thoughts from the far recesses of my mind into something beautiful.

the perfect valentine....

"How do i look?" she asked all of a sudden, with an air of a princess, showing off her new pink dress, laced with pretty flowers, matched up with pink shoes and a pink hair band. "Its looking good" he said. And then she waited expectantly for something more to be said. He pretended as if he didnt care. And just as she was about to turn back and leave heart broken, he looked at her and said "You know what, you are beautiful". And with an air of a grown up, added, "Tooty Fruity beautiful. Thats how beautiful you look". And the twinkle in her eyes returned and a big grin found a way back into her face.

Although she never knew what it meant to be "tooty fruity beautiful", she waited for him to say this every single time and he never disappointed her.

All these years, she had never stopped asking the question. And the answers always amazed her and nevetheless brought a smile on to her face.

Now with a notable number of decades down the road, with the embers of youth long dead, her frail body struggling against the will to survive, lay, awaiting the last breath. The moment when life would deceive her and send her into an unknown world beyond what she ever knew. He staggered to reach out to her, every step made equally painful by the passing years. When their eyes met, the gleam in his, flowed into hers, warming her heart and filling her mind with the beauty of a sunshine.

As her lips parted to utter the words held in her heart, he bent down and kissed her forehead as if the words had already reached him. Gazing into her eyes, the lighthouse of his existence, he uttered what her heart yearned to hear. "You look beautiful. Tooty fruity beautiful, as always".

Good-bye's

I still remember the moment when you walked away. Long before the hazy mist in my eyes could clear. Long before the song in my heart could strike a chord in you. Long before i could step out of your dreams to find a safe haven in my own. Long before i could gather the pieces of my heart, every single one of them drenched in the blood of your love, while you called forth the rains, to wash them off, of any trace of it.

Some goodbye's are just disguised new beginnings. Some goodbye's tear you apart, body and soul, into a million little pieces, a trace of remembrance etched so deeply into every single one of them, that try as hard as you may, the scars refuse to go away. But some goodbye's haunt you forever....

My personal thanksgiving.....

Life doesnt give you many opportunities to celebrate and be thankful for what one has. But sometimes life does show its trump card hidden up its sleeve, when you are least expecting it, shaking the floor beneath your feet. Only when you have survived this jolt, do you realise, that what's left behind after the tumult was what was worth all along. What got washed away with the tide, was never meant to be and most importantly, not worth anything at all.

And when life did show me its bitter side, i realize why i survived and this post is my acknowledgement to the fact that i have a wonderful support system - my friends. K and S, today would have been different had it not been for you two. Therez a saying "Its the friends that you can call at 4:00 A.M that matter". Well, for me, you are those friends..not only my 4 A.M. friends, but dearest and closest to my heart. And i am thankful to have you in my life. With you by my side, i guess i could survive anything :)

Thanks for everything...you guys rock !!!

seasons of the soul....

she felt the rage within her rise,
    from gentle sobs to screaming cries;
the tears, they burned her eyes, her soul,
    she waited for the pain to die;

and then it rained, it rained for her.....

the autumn hues coloured her eyes,
    with a sense of hope, for withered lives;
she longed for her loss to drift away,
    be buried in a chasm deep and wide;

and then it snowed, it snowed for her.....

the rush of time, a wearied prey,
    the battle of the everyday;
she wished that 'now' would seemingly halt,
    for new dreams to sow, of a better start;

and the night did fall, kissing her goodnight.....

as light dispels the darkened nights,
    and hope, it triumphs over plight;
a shimmering sunset, a sparkling dawn,
    her heart, it yearned for a new spring song;

and the sun did rise, and shine for her.....

Drenched musings

A rainy October afternoon. An unusual shower for this time of the year. There is always something serenely magical about rains. As i sit on my windowsill with a steaming hot cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other, i cant stop myself from soaking in the magic of the moment. The rain drops fall softly on the window pane and i ardently watch them form a pattern of their own as they slide through. Its a game i used to play when i was a child. Trying to race two drops to see which one slides down first and silly as it may sound, i did have my favorites in the game. The raindrops create a ripple as they fall into the puddle below, each one effortlessly blending into the next. Watching these ripples, these concentric circles which now give a new dimension to this stagnant pool of water, brings back a lot of memories from the yesteryear's. Memories have their knack of arriving uninvited.

As i open the windowpane to feel the rain in the open palm of my hands, the icy coldness of the raindrops tingles me and fills me with a childlike exuberance. The wind chime sways to the gentle breeze and creates its own tapestry of music, as if orchestrating the grandness of the moment. Familiar and unfamiliar faces scuttle through the street below, drenched in the moment, unknowingly bound by a common thread, the rain. The little or no sunlight blurs the distinction between day and night. The hazy blurred picture created by the rains is a perfect disillusionment separating the unreal from the real or perhaps blending them into one.

The simplicity of these moments is empowering. As i try to devour these, i hear a voice say, "Unexpected shower but the weather looks beautiful, no? What time is it by the way?" And i smile to myself as i whisper, "Now. The time is now."

ruins...

once upon a time, they say,
    i stood so tall, so fine, so strong,
and now withered with sands of time,
    i stand alone on a ruined ground

the beauty of my past remains,
    in glimpses of my memories,
in the stories told, some false, some true,
    i trace my journey ever anew

my walls though weak, my roof though leaks,
    my heart, of strength and spirit speaks,
my outward pomp and charm though lost,
    my inner soul still glory seeks

a crown of flowers adorned me once,
    engulfed me in their gentle spell,
now weeds surround me and more,
    trying to make up for the charm

my arms have cradled many a soul,
    who came to seek my shelter then,
now an endless wait is all i have,
    to be a refuge to a wandered soul

the world awaits a bright luminous day,
    after every dark and dreary night
and so i wait for my day of life,
    to be mixed to dust and born again.....

A cliched thought...

Everyday i pass through the same roads to get to work. Some days when i am not too occupied with the monotony of life, i try to look or rather observe the world around me as i pass by these paths, en route to work. There is one particular stretch of road which has these little hutments created with scraps of plywood, sheets of plastic ,tin and whatever material available. Though it might appear unworthy of being termed a house, it indeed is a home for many. The street urchins seemingly belonging to this neighborhood are always up to something, as if whatever their minds are construing at the moment, would somehow change their world and fate forever. What amazes me about these urchins is the look of unfazed contentment on their faces. It appears as if they are miles away from the touch of any apathy or misfortune. Try as one may, to search for a trace of resentment, unhappiness within them, their faces and spirit seem to betray the reality. Deprived of things which we cannot even imagine living without, and still facing the day with an optimistic stride, is probably what sets them apart, irrespective of their current state in life.

Looking at them always reminds me of the cliche "Happiness is a state of mind". Each one of us undoubtedly must have heard this phrase a thousand times over, read about it or passed it on to somebody, wrapped as a mere piece of advice. However, the point to note is, when it actually comes to living the phrase, are we even infinitesimally close to it? The lesser privileged somehow seem to understand the significance and value of this cliche more than the affluent or the ordinary. We all seem to live in a rat race. Nobody in particular seems to know where we are heading, nor does anybody seem to care, however, each one of us surely does want to outnumber the rest in this race to nowhere. We might have the world at our feet, however, even without realizing it, we might just step on it and move on. Still grumbling, still resenting, what we do not possess yet, all the while what we have thrown away ourselves. We seem to have become too immune to the epiphanies of life to be able to pause for a moment and make a shift in our perspectives. But life has a way of adding that deliberate pause, by a whip or by a splash. The question that remains for us to ponder over is, are we ready to pay the price after all, to learn the most expensive lesson, the hard way?